“we are half hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition, when infinite joy is offered us. like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. we are far too easily pleased.”

- c.s. lewis (the weight of glory)

i have had the privilege of having a couple conversations recently with people regarding relationships and invariably… SEX.  mind you, these people were single, fully sexually active, and saw no problem with it.  what became apparent throughout  these conversations is how we’ve “oversexed” sex as a culture.

sexual appetite is the only appetite we’re convinced happiness is found in  fulfilling its every random impulse! we have so elevated the sexual appetite above everything else that we’ve forced it to play a role it was never intended to play… filling a need it is not capable of filling. sex was meant as an augment, a blessing, the cherry on top of the sundae for an otherwise fulfilling and intimate relationship. it was never supposed to be the sole source of intimacy in relationship.

appetites devour us and become our bondage if we don’t apply discernment and discretion when indulging. we are a culture of sexually-obese individuals wondering why overindulgence isn’t doing the trick.  if you think i’m full of it, talk to a girl or guy who just realized someone used them for their sexuality and ask them how they feel.  these feelings lessen as we sear our consciences with frequent random sexual experience, but  we forget that it didn’t start that way. it was a painful road that lead to the numbness we currently walk around in as a culture.

imagine sex as an exquisite fine dining experience, you know… one of those life changing meals with all the trimmings. as we force sex into trying to fulfill all our relational needs, it’s as if we take the raw ingredients uncooked and begin eating it.  as we remove the context of a loving and committed marriage relationship, we reduce this meal to its separate and very unspectacular parts, resulting in something akin to mutual masturbation.

Jesus didn’t want to hold something away from us; he wanted us to experience sex as an amazing gift… not a curse.  we are far too easily pleased. we can easily convince ourselves that mud pies are the pinnacle of human experience… but God invites us into so  much more!

did you know you are 54 times more like to get hired through a referral? think about that for a minute… i said times, not percent, TIMES. it’s a really astonishing number really, and should cause you to ask, “how do I make that number work to my advantage?”  the answer: networking. it’s the key to your career future. Whether you are recently graduated or a seasoned veteran; networking is how you are going to get you next job. let me explain why this works.

first off, now more than ever employers are getting 100s of resumes for any given position (no matter what the level). the best and most effective way to get noticed in that stack of papers is if someone walks over to the hiring manager or HR person and says “here, this person rocks, you need to talk to them.” people like working with known entities and when someone can speak on your behalf it takes a huge bit of guesswork and worry off the hiring person’s mind. second, you are going to hear of more job opportunities through your network, and you can enlist your network to keep an eye out for you in their respective companies, thus increasing your chances of finding the perfect job for you. so how do you use your network? here are 5 easy steps to connect with others:

1. make a list of everyone you know and where they work. Anything look interesting? give them a call.
2. if you aren’t on LinkedIn, sign up. you can see my profile to get an idea of how it looks here or you can sign up for ROCKHARBOR’s job hunting seminar on June 10^th for more details on how to use LinkedIn to its fullest.
3. join user groups online. you can find them on yahoo, google, and LinkedIn. doing this will allow you to connect with people with similar skill sets and a lot of the time you will see jobs posted specifically for the skill set of the group.
4. always check your network first before applying for a job. not only will you find that you probably know someone who works there, but you may also find you know someone who knows someone who works at the company you are trying to get into.
5. don’t be afraid to use your network and ask people for help finding work and getting the word out about your job search. you’ve connected with these people for a reason, because you trust them. they want to help you out, trust me.

those are the basics. if you do these 5 things, you’ll be off to great start. for more job hunting tips and support during your job search come and check out ROCKHARBOR’s upcoming seminar “the hunt: finding work in today’s job market” on june 10^th. you can sign up on CORE here.

if you’ve ever had a business partnership in china, you may know it’s about much more than signing a contract.  business is focused on developing strong, trusting relationships that take time.  in fact, it might take days of dinners and meetings before the actual business deal is even talked about!

a child born in uganda isn’t born just into a family, but an entire village that takes responsibility for their upbringing.  it is common to pay the school fees for your neighbor’s child, or make meals for the whole village to share.

in chiapas, mexico, the zapatista’s use the word hermanamiento to describe the “brotherhood” of not only community members but also between the community and international partners.  it is the concept that “you can call on me and i can call on you” in the time of need, no questions asked, no commodities, no rewards.  it’s not considered an act of compassion but an act of empowerment.

and in the west, we praise the individual.  we commend the basketball player who scores the most points, the pastor with the largest congregation, the host who throws the best parties, and the student with the best grades.  there’s definitely a time and place to acknowledge and admire certain accomplishments, but i think we have a lot to learn from other cultures.

we push for individualism and independence.  we praise promotions and popularity. we strive to be recognized and rewarded.  there’s no doubt God has created each person with unique gifts, talents, and traits (psalm 139:13-16), but He didn’t create us to live life alone. the power of a relationship is undeniable.

in romans 12:3-8, paul warns us not to think too highly of ourselves as individuals because we were actually made for relationships.  “…so we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another (v. 5).”  when God gave each of us a “measure of faith” and a different “function,” He had this incredible picture of how the body of Christ would work.  through His grace, the actions of a group of people to further His kingdom are more effective, more compelling, and more productive than those of someone attempting to do it on their own.  God intended for us to interact, converse, play, work, eat, plan, and act TOGETHER.

what would it look like if we thought about individual talents and skills in light of a collective community?  what if we raised our children and ran our businesses by maximizing the potential of working together? or what if we lent a hand to our neighbor or coworker without expecting the favor to be returned?  i think we’d be surprised at the quality, power, and fruitfulness our everyday relationships would have if we thought of ourselves as a collective society rather than individuals.

jessie simonson is part of  31bits, an organization that empowers vulnerable individuals to rise above poverty through maximizing creative abilities and generating opportunities for sustainable livelihoods. Learn more about 31bits here.

this is how it usually goes: i ask a friend, “have you ever seen project runway?” then, they stare at me incredulously before launching into a diatribe characterizing heidi klum’s tour de force as formulaic, cliche and cheap. i answer, “yeah.” (Pause) “isn’t it great?”

some of the best episodes are those that begin with the incomparable tim gunn announcing to this season’s crop of fashion impresarios that the next challenge will be a team one, resulting in the contestants’ exasperated sighs and exaggerated rolling of the eyes.

next, as the choosing of teams transpires, we listen to each of the contestants’ variations on the common fear that their unique artistic vision will be devastated if they find themselves paired with whomever has been branded this season’s fashion catastrophe.

you see, artists don’t often like working together.

this fact, i have discovered, surprises most people. they imagine that artists spend the vast majority of their time in the company of other artists, in hazy corners of out-of-the-way coffee shops enjoying high-minded conversation about art and culture while plucking away at faded guitars and composing poetry.

the truth is that most artists fit into one of two categories, neither of which is remotely reminiscent of a bohemian utopia. Most artists find themselves either consumed by their own vision or consumed by making a living.

the artist who is consumed by his or her own vision finds themselves isolated from other artists because the introduction of other ideas might pollute or stunt the development of that vision.

the artist who is consumed by making a living finds themselves isolated from other artists because his or her days are full of projects, deadlines and the business of the day.

but as human beings made in the image of God we are designed to operate within community. our creative God made each of us with unique gifts that are most radiant when used for co-operative creativity, but to see collaboration we must stop the cycle of arrogance and/or avarice long enough to hear God’s call to community.

stop, collaborate and listen. maybe vanilla ice was really on to something.

how do we, as artists, make room for collaboration? how do we release our vision for God’s vision of cooperation?

and even more, how do we make sure that our primary creative partner is the creator of all?

have you ever seen collaboration like this? have you ever been a part of it? what did it look like? what could it look like?

i was thinking about possessions and how they might affect community. i’m so used to buying what I need, when I need it. i’ll run to the store before I’ll ask a neighbor. i’ll rent it before i’ll borrow it from a friend. that way I can have it when I want it.. and return it when I want it. and no one will be inconvenienced. sure, i’ll be paying extra to have my own… but in a world of convenience charges, service charges and processing fees, what’s a couple more bucks?

i made a chart. take a car for instance. everyone around here ‘needs’ a car, right?  but I thought, what am I gaining or losing by having my own vs. sharing with other people?

buy my own                                                                 share/borrow from someone else

i can use it whenever I want                                      i can only use it with someone else or when when no one else needs it

i decide the standards for how                                  i have to trust that others will respect it
clean/well maintained I want it to be                        as much as I do

if something happens to it, it’s up                             if something happens to it, it affects the other people
to me when and how to fix it                                      who depend on it

no one else depends on me and                             we depend on each other to keep the system working
i don’t depend on anyone else

i do not have to maintain a single                            i most likely maintain relationships with every person
relationship in order to use it                                    who uses it

I am responsible to pay the full amount                  we share the cost of the purchase and maintenance among everyone who uses it

about 6 years ago I “convinced” my husband to go through a crown ministries bible study together.  i had heard wonderful things about the study and thought it would be just the ticket to fine tuning our communication about money.  in my mind it was all about what he needed to learn, realize, and change about his views on money.   after all, i had always handled the finances…he was more of the spender and i was more of the saver.  i was sure that i had it all figured out.

as the weeks progressed through the study, God began to reveal to me where i needed to grow and be challenged by His word.  as we examined the concept of saving and yes, how important it is, i breathed a sigh of relief and probably a bit of pride too knowing that we had at least 3 months of bills in the bank and on track to soon reach the golden “6 months of expenses in a savings account.”  and almost immediately after i mentally checked that goal off my list, God clearly revealed to me that i was trusting in my savings account and not in Him.  as long as my bank account had a little cushion in it, i felt good.  however, what i was really saying is that as long as i didn’t have to trust God to provide and i could rely on myself, i was fine.  money had a grip on me in a way that i didn’t even realize.

God gently spoke to me and i knew that at some point in the near future, He would allow me to exercise the kind of trust that He asks of you and me.  sure enough, life’s circumstances presented themselves and our savings account was completely emptied for necessities.  i no longer had a bank account to trust in but something bigger and better….a God who is the master financial planner and wants the very, very best for each one of His children.  it was a journey that I appreciate now and showed me the freedom that our Father offers from trusting in Him alone.

now don’t misunderstand me….saving is good and God speaks about the wisdom of planning ahead in the book of proverbs.  it wasn’t the actions of diligent saving that were wrong but the posture of my heart.  while we certainly have a part to play in the wise management of the money that He does give us, our confidence must remain in the provider Himself and not in the provision.

in what ways have you come to trust in the wrong things?

a place for your thoughts on God, life, community, culture…be honest, be pure, be authentic…ready? go…

“and when he (Jesus) drew near and saw the city, he wept over it…” luke 19:41

nehemiah, in the old testament, has a strikingly similar story. he loved his city and he wept over it – the very same city Jesus weeps over 400 years later. but he didn’t stop there. he did something about it. he united a people to rebuild the city. in the process the temple was rebuilt. his life helped transformed a city. his life had a lasting impact on the Kingdom.

he was a man and leader that wouldn’t get too much buzz or tmz action if he was around today.

he wasn’t your celebrity christian.

he wasn’t even a pastor.

he worked a regular job, just like us.

he was the cupbearer to the king of babylon – a job that was secret service duty (making sure the drinks were not poisoned) meets chief of staff (hey, any man who is putting his life on the line like that deserves to be listened to).

but, God used him greatly.

because God used him exactly where he was.

his people, the israelites were in captivity and scattered thanks to the babylonian exile. jerusalem was left empty. jerusalem was pillaged of everything good and destroyed – including the temple. this once proud city was turned into the ancient equivalent of the modern day projects or ghetto.

maybe it looked like toker town near downtown fullerton.

maybe it looked like that run down street or apartment complex near your house, the one you pass all the time but never think about.

restoring and transforming this city became his life’s work. he lived his life in a way that demanded an explanation. nehemiah traded the comfort of the palace for the hardships of the ghetto.

what sacrifices, like nehemiah, do you need to make to love your city?

how will you serve your city?

I think deep down, we all must want to be good managers.  Why else would there be FarmVille, RollerCoaster Tycoon, Monopoly, and lemonade stands?

Those are all forms of stewardship.   They’re just a little different than the real thing since crops aren’t really harvested on a click, and business is always good when your lemon supplier is your mom.

Stewardship means managing the resources God has entrusted to us in a way that honors Him.  The Bible says it’s like managing a business while the owner is away.  (Matt. 25:14-30)  And beyond that, God wants also to use our experiences with money to test and shape our character and actually bring peace to our lives.  (Luke 16:10-12)

I’m a twenty-something who grew up in Whittier, CA, went to a Christian university and studied Finance.  After graduating, I knew a lot about money but still had no clue about financial stewardship.  Student loans, bank fees, surprise bills (even though they were actually monthly), and a lack of savings all were characteristic of my financial situation.  It was unsettling, frustrating – even a source of shame.

I set out on a journey that lasted about a year to learn more and get organized.  I wanted good answers and I found them from sources like my mom, Christian and non-Christian books and blogs, and helpful tools.  Once I got the heavy lifting out of the way, things became much easier.  I really did find peace.

I found these sites to be helpful and still use them.  Before using them, please make sure you feel comfortable with their privacy agreements.

www.mint.com

It’s like a free version of Quicken.  Now owned by Intuit, Mint provides budgeting tools, trending, investment tracking, and account balances quickly.

www.networthiq.com

Provides a free venue to create a monthly snapshot of your financial picture and journal about it.  Interact with others who have similar goals and get ideas.

There are tons of resources out there!  What have you found to be helpful?

Identity impacts the way we belong to God and each other, which infuses how we join with God in His mission. For us to welcome and engage in authentic conversations and authentic relationships, we need to first be ok in our own skin.  How can we truly love our neighbor as ourselves if we don’t even know how to love ourselves to begin with?

We need to begin to know ourselves as God knows us… as accepted, adopted, named, validated, and redeemed.

I wonder if this has happened to you: You don’t feel like you fit in with a certain group, you risk a comment, or try the one-liner you thought was funny, and it’s answered with blank stares. What’s the first thought that comes to mind?

For me, that experience taps into a gut-level fear of not mattering.  My input isn’t needed.  My insights into life and observations don’t really make a difference.  I might as well not even be here.

Paul Tillich calls this the “fear of non-being”.

Remember the diving scene in What About Bob?   (if you’re saying to yourself, “What is What About Bob?” then you need to pull up Netflix right now and stick it on your queue… or just do the old fashioned way and rent it at Blockbuster).  In this scene, Siggi is trying to learn how to dive.  He’s decked out in all black totally petrified to dive off of the dock.  His dad is trying to teach him how when Siggi responds, “We’re all going to die.  You are going to die.  With all the horror in the world, what difference does it make?”

Fear of non-being.

If we are driven by a fear of non-being, then we will never offer ourselves, our true selves, in community.  We don’t dive in because we feel like it doesn’t matter. We begin to fill our heads with corrosive “self-talk,” phrases like, “They don’t care about this…  It’s not really worth the risk…  People will just reject me and I won’t matter, so I’ll just save myself the pain.”

Do you ever have those thoughts?

What are your responses to those thoughts?

Do you withdraw?  Can you name a person who actually knows that you have these thoughts?

What would it take to offer yourself anyway?