Do not awaken love until it’s proper time. . . Most of my life I heard those words and immediately thought of physical boundaries. I heard the echos of conversations with my parents, books I had read and summers of Christian camps. I still believe that there is a physical side to that statement, but a conversation with one of my best friends shortly after college changed forever the way I hear those words.
On the way to the mountains for a day of snowboarding with my only close married friend at the time, the conversation quickly turned towards relationships, sex and marriage. I knew that Matt had made some choices prior to following Christ that might make marriage and sex within marriage more challenging. As we talked I was shocked to hear that it wasn’t his past sexual experience that had been the biggest challenge to his new bride and their marriage, but instead some of the close, emotionally unhealthy relationships he had with other girls. Girls he never dated or slept with. Amy was hurt that there were girls that knew Matt better then she did. That affected their love life. That affected their relationship. That was what they fought about. Sure, she would have loved that they were both virgins on their wedding night, but the emotional baggage carried into the marriage went far beyond previous sexual encounters.
I sat in silence as Matt spoke. Sure, I had honored physical boundaries (the first and only girl I have kissed is my wife), but emotionally I had been reckless. As we continued to talk, I became convicted that I needed to change the way I interacted with girls. I needed to honor them emotionally as much as I honored them physically. Purity has to be more than just don’t have sex. Just don’t get physical. Awakening love is so much more than that. . .
I have definitely fallen into emotional impurity, and I am still struggling with it now. Though he doesn’t know, I have very strong feelings for one of my good friends. I wish it was something I could wholeheartedly lift up to God, but I know a part of me wants to hold on and “hope.” This discussion really stirred me to re-evaluate my interactions with the opposite sex, but I don’t know how to safeguard my heart from being emotionally impure.
So what happens when you are jaded..I am a female in her late twenties and have been used over and over again emotionally by christian and non christian guys. How do you find someone that would take you seriously or how do you find the balane? It just feels like a game all the time and I just want to give up on dating all together. I’m pretty outspoken and have opinions and stand up for myself but I still respect the other sex regardless. I’ve been rebellious is both areas in the past and am working towards purity but it bugs me when I’m trying to act good in God’s eyes and guys who do not even know me think of me as a sex object or “too independent and outgoing: to be taken seriously. Not sure what to do at this point. relationships actually are starting to scare me.
Good point, purity relates to our actions and thoughts. What do you think that means, more specifically, to be “emotionally pure”? What you do believe the Bible says about appropriate relationships/boundaries with opposite sex friends? This has been something I’ve personally been looking into.
I totally agree. Purity and commitment should invovle your thoughts and emotions as well. I love the book every young womans battle, it talks about this.
Great topic!